What is Self-Compassion and Why Don’t I Feel it?

One of the first reasons we resist self-compassion is because we are afraid that we won’t push ourselves to make better life choices if we become more accepting of our perceived faults. However, it isn’t hard to recognize ways in which harsh self-judgment and self-criticism deplete our physical, emotional, and mental resources. A gentler, more compassionate, stance toward the self isn’t about indulgence. In fact, self-compassion can deliver the energy and motivation we need to make positive changes.

Just like anything else we approach with commitment and care, we are more likely to thrive with a positive attitude toward our own growth. Self-compassion does mean self-acceptance. But this acceptance and care involves outwardly tending to our present quality of life and cultivating long term possibilities for freedom and fulfilment.

Self-compassion expert Dr. Kristin Neff suggests that the first step is to recognise a difficult moment for what it is. To begin, an honest statement such as, “this is difficult right now” or “I am going through a hard time,” can help us to recall the kind of warm kindness and generosity we might feel toward those closest to us when they’re struggling. This is very different than feeling ashamed, guilty, or compelled to avoid any problems that arise at all.

Self-compassion can be described as a willingness to accept the existence of painful feelings and to approach our inevitable difficulties with a gentle optimism. 

 The truth is, most us did not have this modeled. You may already recognize how a barrage of inner criticism is holding you back, or even part of a bigger picture of emotional and mental health concerns. Even if inner criticism seems insurmountable, there is a way forward. A trained therapist can help you to cultivate self-acceptance, forgiveness and generosity. It is possible to bring the warmth of self-compassion to the areas of life you feel most alone in. Book a consultation here  or see me at Banff Wellness Practice for psychotherapeutic services and holistic integration.

There is nothing permanent except change ~ Heraclitus